bad boss

Today was a good day, although my mind would have me thinking otherwise.

It was what I consider a “noodling” day, where things get done, but in a non-linear, roundabout way. My brain hates these days. They don’t make sense! What’s going on?! There should be structure, and planning, and the crossing off of lists. Instead I answered some emails, paid a bill, returned a phone call, kissed the cats, and bought milk and oranges at the market.

I noticed the guy wearing the brand new superman t-shirt. He looked happy. On my way home I stopped and, leaving my groceries on the curb, I took pictures of graffiti. It dawned on me with surprise that I was enjoying myself, and that this might be a good use of my time. I know how to noodle my way through a day, but this may have been the first time I haven’t felt guilty about it.

One of the curses of self-employment is that there is always work to be done, right there in front of me. No bell rings to say that school is over and it’s time to go home for the night. There isn’t a commute to mark the beginning and end of my workday, or that relaxed feeling that I did the best I could and now I’m off for a few hours.

And there is no boss: there’s just my brain, whose default setting is permanent high alert, watching for danger and deadlines. My brain is a bad boss with a puritanical sense of priorities, who thinks Sisyphus was gainfully employed just because he was working so hard.

Well. I am taking back the “self” in self-employment. I’m going to go listen to Laurie Anderson.  And then – I’m firing my boss.

I don’t know about your brain –
but mine is really bossy.
I come home…
and I find all these messages
on wrinkled up scraps of paper
and they say things like:
Why don’t you get a real job?
or: You and whose army?
or: Get a horse.

3 Responses to “bad boss”

  1. Barb Says:

    Oh, yes! I, too, have a “bad boss,” and it’s not my administrators at school either. It’s my brain who also frowns upon letting go and actually enjoying “noodling.”

    The book The Joy Diet by Martha Beck caught my attention. Directions are to read and DO each idea in a chapter before moving on. Dang! The first chapter recommends setting aside 20 minutes a day to do nothing. I finally had to move on to the next chapter without succeeding with “doing nothing.” How hard could this be??!!

  2. Katy Says:

    My bad boss got angry when I went to the Michigan Theater last weekend to watch Warner Brothers cartoons. “Kill de wabbit! Kill de WAB-bit!” My favorite part was when Porky Pig sang to Bugs Bunny “Oh Brunhilda, you’re so wuvwee!” and Bugs replied “Yes I know it, I can’t help it!”

    It occurs to me I may not understand the rules of commenting on blogs. Is that bad boss talking??

  3. boodely Says:

    Oh yah!

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